just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
