No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
