just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
