I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize