Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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