i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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