can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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