my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
