I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
