My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
