I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
