wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
