just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
