I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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