MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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