You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
