This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
