Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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