Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
