I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
