I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
