I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
