I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
