do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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