I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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