i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
