i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
