so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
