every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
