Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
