we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
