U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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