i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
