Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
