You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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