Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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