I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
