No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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