I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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