it's too hot outside to masturbate.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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