i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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