I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
