Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
