I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
