Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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