I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
