nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
