you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
did i just pee glitter
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
