you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
