god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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