I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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