i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
