No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
