Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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