Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
