We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
