in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
