At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize