Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
