he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
