my soul wont recognize me after tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
