I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
