Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
