I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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