Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize