i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
