does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
