He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
